Something’s gone wrong with childhood—and we all feel it.
Rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm among young people have skyrocketed since 2012. Especially for teenage girls, the data isn’t subtle—it looks like someone flipped a switch. Mental health outcomes plummeted just as smartphones and social media entered their lives.
It’s tempting to reach for extreme solutions. Ban phones. Delete apps. Go full “Amish mode.” But the real answer might be simpler—and more sustainable: we don’t need bans as much as we need new norms.
The Great Rewiring of Childhood
Between 2010 and 2015, something fundamental about growing up changed.
Before then, kids had what we might still recognize as a “human” childhood: playing outside, walking to a friend’s house, joining clubs, climbing trees, riding bikes. Sure, they had flip phones or computers, but they weren’t living online. Social life happened face-to-face.
But then came the smartphone—with a front-facing camera, high-speed data, and endless social media apps—and childhood went indoors, on-screen, and mostly alone.
Today’s “connected” kids are often alone together: boys lost in multiplayer video games, girls immersed in TikTok and Instagram, everyone curating a version of themselves instead of being themselves. And while the tech changed overnight, our cultural norms didn’t keep up.
Parents Are Trying—and Failing
Most parents aren’t ignoring the problem. They’re trying to limit screen time, hold off on social media, and keep phones out of bedrooms. But even the most diligent efforts often fall short.
Why? Because parents aren’t just fighting their kids—they’re fighting the culture.
When “everyone else” has a phone, when group chats happen at midnight, when no one else walks to school or plays outside… doing the right thing feels like isolating your child. It’s a no-win situation.
And that’s why we need to stop thinking about individual choices and start thinking about shared norms.
What Are Norms—And Why Do They Matter?
A norm is a shared expectation about how people behave. It’s not a law. It’s not a ban. It’s the unspoken “how we do things around here.”
For example:
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Helmets while biking? Norm.
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No smoking indoors? Norm.
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Wearing shoes in public? Norm.
When enough people agree on a behavior, it becomes the default—and suddenly, it’s easy to follow. You don’t need police. You don’t need perfection. You just need momentum.
So instead of each family waging a private war against tech, what if we built public agreement around a few key norms?
Four Norms That Could Reclaim Childhood
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No Smartphones Before High School
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Most damage starts in middle school, especially for girls. If enough families delayed smartphones until age 14–16, it would shift the default—and protect the most vulnerable years.
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Phones Stay Out of School
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Schools that ban phones during the day see better focus, fewer discipline issues, and improved mental health. This is an easy win. Let’s make it normal, not controversial.
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Screen-Free Bedrooms
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Sleep is a foundational health behavior. Keeping phones out of the bedroom reduces anxiety, improves rest, and helps kids build real-world habits like reading, journaling, or just being alone with their thoughts.
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Unsupervised, Real-World Play Is Normal Again
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Climbing trees, riding bikes, walking to the store—it’s not dangerous, it’s developmental. Kids need chances to explore, fall, get back up, and grow. Let’s stop calling it “negligence” and start calling it “parenting.”
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We’re Not Anti-Tech—We’re Pro-Childhood
This isn’t a call to smash smartphones or disconnect from the internet. We need technology. But we need it to serve our children’s development—not dominate it.
The goal isn’t to eliminate digital life, but to make room for real life. That means reclaiming boredom, adventure, face-to-face friendships, and risky play. It means giving kids space to grow up—not just scroll through life.
Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, puts it well: “I don’t want to ban everything. I want to change the norms.”
And here’s the good news: norms can change fast, especially when parents, schools, and communities move together.
Let’s make it normal to wait. Normal to play outside. Normal to be unplugged. And above all, let’s make it normal for kids to have a real childhood again.
If you’re ready to explore how your family or school community can reclaim childhood through healthier tech norms, get started with our Essential Info Pack here.
